


To Remember You

by ladymac111



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Blogging, Gen, Hiatus, I'm really tuned in to the liturgical calendar for some reason, John Watson's Blog, John is a fan of Doctor Who, Post-Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladymac111/pseuds/ladymac111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Watson's life didn't end when Sherlock fell from the roof of Bart's.  He carried on, he kept blogging.  It was never as good as it was before, but it was something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 24 December 2012: Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> T for language.

Posted by J H Watson  
24th December 2012

**Christmas**

Merry Christmas to my readers. Harry's coming tomorrow, so I probably won't be posting.

I can't help but remember last year. I was going to go to Harry's then, but … well, it's all on the blog. I ended up staying here with Sherlock, and it was fucking depressing. He didn't get himself into any trouble, though. I'm not sure he would have, but I suppose Mycroft knew him better than I did.

I really need to quit thinking so much about Sherlock. It's actually a bit easier right now. Mrs Hudson helped me decorate the flat for Christmas, and it's wonderfully cheery, with a tree and everything. S would have hated it, but he's not here to complain, so I'm enjoying it quite a lot.

I was lucky enough to get the entire week off from the clinic. It means I'll have to work over New Year but I can live with that. The flu is hitting pretty badly right now but for as busy as we've been, it's all pretty boring. At least there's a new Doctor Who tomorrow to look forward to!

 

**8 comments**

Merry Christmas!  
 **Bill Murray** 24 December 16:10

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow x  
 **Harry Watson** 24 December 17:31

You too, Harry. Let me know when you're on your way.  
 **John Watson** 24 December 17:38

Merry Christmas, John. And no, I've never known him better than you did.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 24 December 19:57

Merry Christmas to you too, Mycroft. I didn't realize you still read my blog.  
 **John Watson** 24 December 20:22

I like to keep any eye on things. Take care of yourself.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 24 December 20:30

I'm doing my best.  
 **John Watson** 24 December 20:33

Any mysterious parcels this year?  
 **Anonymous** 25 December 03:41


	2. 6 January 2013: Happy Birthday

Posted by J H Watson  
6th January 2013

**Happy Birthday**

Today's Sherlock's birthday. Or, well, it would be. I'm not certain what tense to use. Maybe present tense for what day it is, and past tense for his age. I don't know.

Last year Mrs H baked him a birthday cake, and the three of us enjoyed it that afternoon. We were between cases at the time, but it hadn't been so long that he'd got bored. Plus he had Irene Adler's camera phone, a new toy for him to figure out. I remember thinking I should have got him a present, but I ran out of time and didn't have any ideas. He didn't complain, though. I don't think he expected anyone to mark the occasion, so tea and cake was a nice surprise. Lestrade called later that evening with a case. I don't remember the details; it couldn't have been more than a five, but Sherlock and I dashed off anyway. I do remember that we got done about dawn the next day, and I convinced him to have breakfast at Speedy's.

Nothing's happened to me recently. Things are still the same. Shifts at the clinic, still trying to learn to cook better. I tried a recipe for pasta sauce yesterday that didn't turn out very well. I ate it anyway, but didn't save the leftovers. I'll try it again later.  Maybe with a difference saucepan.  I think that one may be holding onto some old odours.

Happy birthday, Sherlock. If you were here I would definitely have a gift for you. I have it all picked out.

 

**2 comments**

What did you choose for him?  
 **Anonymous** 6 January 14:38

That's an awfully personal question.  
 **John Watson** 6 January 14:43


	3. 29th January 2013: An anniversary of sorts

Posted by J H Watson  
29th January 2013

**An anniversary of sorts**

Two years ago today, I met him. I thought he was mad and charming. I'm actually surprised at how little that opinion changed in the year and a half I knew him. Mad, certainly. Daily, even. Some more than others.

The charm came and went. It actually wasn't very long before I started to get suspicious whenever he would turn it on me. I mentioned it once, and he said he didn't need to use his charm on me because I was mad enough to put up with him as he was.

He was right. We were both mad. A couple of madmen living in a mad flat having mad adventures.

We didn't do anything to mark the day last year. I didn't even notice it, until Mrs H mentioned it about a week later. I remember thinking how much my life had changed in only a year. I was a completely different man before I met him. I've tried hard to hang onto the man he made me into, to not slip back into that place I was when I first got back from Afghanistan. I feel like I owe it to him. That no matter what the world may think of him, no matter what his impact has been on the larger world, I was changed by him.

In the spirit of carrying on, I did something big today. So to all of you who've bitten your tongue when I whinged about my leg acting up and all the steps, you can stop, because I've done something about it. Mrs Hudson helped me move all of his stuff into the upstairs bedroom, and I moved all of my stuff into the downstairs one. It doesn't have the east-facing windows, which I think I'll miss in the mornings, but in every other respect it's much nicer. And I've made it my own, got rid of everything that was so uniquely his. (Well, not really _got rid_ , exactly, it's all boxed up.) Not sure yet how it'll be to actually sleep there and wake up there, but I don't think it'll be too weird, since I never went in there much when it was his. No memories, really. Though it was hard to go in, at first. It felt like I was encroaching on his privacy, though of course he doesn't have any, anymore. I'm sitting in here now, on my bed, looking out my window. Not much of a view. Should be quiet at night, though.

So anyway, that's my big news. Taking charge of my life, and _my_ flat. Mrs Hudson said the rent is still getting paid (by someone other than me) each month. Mycroft, do you know anything about that?

 

**20 comments**

I'm glad you're happy with the room, dear. It makes much more sense for you to not have to go up all those steps.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 29 January 15:38

It does make more sense. I'm glad I've finally done it. Thanks for all your help, by the way. I couldn't have done it alone. Can I take you out for dinner as a thank you?  
 **John Watson** 29 January 15:40 

Oh, thank you, that would be lovely! Won't you come down for some tea? It feels silly to communicate like this when we're in the same building.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 29 January 15:45

I'll be just a little bit. (This reminds me of when he and I would comment back and forth while we were in the same room. He would be acting all dark and broody but he was actually having a lot of fun.)  
 **John Watson** 29 January 15:49

That was awfully silly, wasn't it? I never understood why you two would rather type than talk.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 29 January 15:55

Come on, you knew him! It's easier to not shout when you have to type it out.  
 **John Watson** 29 January 15:59

It may be hard for you to believe, but my brother apparently made some time for forethought and made sure that Mrs Hudson wouldn't have to worry about finding another tenant. He had quite a bit of money, you know.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 29 January 20:23

I had a hunch. I'm interested if you have any more information to share.  
 **John Watson** 29 January 21:14 

I'll send for you.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 29 January 21:20 

Can we please stop doing it that way?  
 **John Watson** 29 January 21:22 

Hard to believe it was only two years ago! Feels like ages, doesn't it?  
 **Mike Stamford** 30 January 07:49 

It was both forever, and no time at all.  
 **Anonymous** 30 January 12:04 

Who are you, anonymous?  
 **John Watson** 30 January 16:01 

Don't let it get to you, John, there's all sorts of weird creeps on the internet.  
 **Harry Watson** 30 January 17:30 

Do you want to get together this weekend, Harry? It's been a while.  
 **John Watson** 30 January 18:02

Love to, but I'm busy. Rain check?  
 **Harry Watson** 30 January 18:05 

All right. Give me a call.  
 **John Watson** 30 January 18:09

I'm hardly a “weird creep.” I simply want to be anonymous.  
 **Anonymous** 30 January 19:24

Why don't you pick a screen name then? That's what people normally do. Like that weird “improbable one” who used to comment here.  
 **John Watson** 30 January 19:26

Odd that you'd use a “weird” commenter as an example of normality.  
 **Anonymous** 30 January 23:30


	4. 13th February 2013: It's Harry's Fault

Posted by J H Watson  
13th February 2013

 

**It's Harry's fault**

Something rather funny happened to me today. Well, the story as it starts out isn't very funny, but it'll get there, I promise.

Harry rang me yesterday, asking me to go with her to a midday Ash Wednesday mass today. Now normally, I wouldn't. Haven't been to church in years, and even when we were kids it was all Mum could do to get us out the door on Sundays, never mind a Wednesday. But I had the day off, and it had been a while since I saw Harry, so I figured why not.

We went to a church out by her – apparently she's been going there regularly, people seemed to know her, and have heard of me. The mass was very nice, which I found a bit surprising. It felt comfortable, like putting on an old jumper. The rituals were all the same as ever, and some things you never really forget.

After, I went to Harry's for a late lunch, and as I was leaving Greg called, said he wanted me to have a look at a case he was working on. I'm certainly no Sherlock Holmes, but I guess I spent enough time with him that he rubbed off on me a little. I'd done a couple of cases before, by the way, I just haven't written them up as they turned out to be not very interesting. Not as interesting as the ones we used to have, anyway. This case turned out to be pretty straightforward too, but that's not the point of the story.

I noticed people looking at me funny when I showed up, but they would look away quickly as soon as I saw them. I figured it was just people still being awkward about Sherlock – things were pretty shaken up for a while after that whole thing happened. But it kept happening, even with the cops I know well, and then Greg kept getting distracted, staring at me, so I finally said, “What, do I have something on my face?” and he got really awkward and gestured at my forehead.

Which was when I remembered – Ash Wednesday mass. I had a cross made of soot on my forehead, and I'd been running around London with it all afternoon! I wasn't the only one – I'd seen a few others on the tube and on the street – but I was definitely the only one at the _crime scene_ wearing Lent on my face!

I wiped it off and explained to Greg, and we had a laugh, and tried to imagine what sort of thing Sherlock would have said if he'd seen me.

You know, reading this, it isn't all that funny. I suppose you had to be there.

 

**12 comments**

Thanks for coming, Johnny! It was good to see you.  
 **Harry Watson** 13 February 20:13

You too, Harry. It was great to catch up, we should do it again soon.  
 **John Watson** 13 February 20:35

How funny! I hope you haven't given up sweets for Lent, though, since I just baked a cake for tea tomorrow. I'll come up around two.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 13 February 20:39

Even if I did give things up for Lent, I would break it for your cake! See you tomorrow.  
 **John Watson** 13 February 20:42

Didn't think you were the church type. Great story, though! I laughed.  
 **Molly Hooper** 13 February 21:01

What was the case?  
 **Guy Fawkes** 14 February 00:10

Nice name, Anonymous. And happy Valentine's Day.  
 **John Watson** 14 February 09:18

Ugh, Valentine's Day. I can't believe you're buying into it.  
 **Guy Fawkes** 14 February 09:24

I'm not “buying into” anything, I'm having tea with my landlady! Even Sherlock “sentiment is a chemical defect” Holmes smiled and ate her cake on Valentine's Day. He even genuinely liked it.  
 **John Watson** 14 February 09:27

And anyway, you don't know me. Why are you so surprised?  
 **John Watson** 14 February 09:32

So no girlfriend this year?  
 **Guy Fawkes** 14 February 09:48

Piss off.  
 **John Watson** 14 February 09:50


	5. 26th February 2013: Need something to do on Saturday night?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, forgot to change the dates on the comments when I changed the date of the post. Fixed now.

Posted by J H Watson  
26th February 2013

**Need something to do on Saturday night?**

This might be a crazy idea, but I've been thinking of re-watching the new series of Doctor Who, since this year is the fiftieth anniversary. I used to watch it a bit when I was a kid, and I remember seeing bits and pieces of the new episodes when I was in Afghanistan, and I loved it and I want to actually see it all the way through, without interruption.

Anyone want to join me? I was thinking of starting this Saturday, the 2nd, with the season that starred Christopher Eccleston. We can get together as often as it's convenient, though I like Saturdays best.

**6 comments**

That sounds fantastic, actually! It's been a while since I re-watched any of them. That is, if you think you can bear to see me outside of work ;)  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 26 February 19:38

What a quick response! It wouldn't be anything special, really, just telly and takeout, but I'd love to have you.  
 **John Watson** 26 February 19:51

As long as we don't end up kidnapped I'll be happy. Anything I can bring?  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 26 February 20:02

Bottle of wine, maybe? And anyone else who might be interested. I'll get the DVDs. How's 8 this Saturday?  
 **John Watson** 26 February 20:05

8 is fine, and I'll pick up a bottle of something. Do you know Surinder, at the clinic? I know she's a big Doctor Who fan. I'll invite her along too, if that's all right.  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 26 February 20:10

The more the merrier! I don't know Surinder well but she seems really lovely.  
 **John Watson** 26 February 20:13


	6. 3rd March 2013: Rose

Posted by J H Watson  
3rd March 2013

**Rose**

Just wanted to write a quick post. Sarah and Surinder came over last night and we watched three episodes of Doctor Who, “Rose” and “The End of the World” and the Christmas episode, "The Unquiet Dead". We had a really lovely time, and Mrs Hudson, I'm sorry if it was a bit loud! All three of us found it very easy to get excited about the show.

 

**6 comments**

The noise was no problem at all, dear! I'm glad you had a good time with your friends. It's been too quiet for too long.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 3 March 11:35

It has been quiet, hasn't it? Though in some ways that's a good thing.  
 **John Watson** 3 March 12:14

Surinder and I had a great time too! Next weekend for “Aliens of London” and "World War Three"?  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 3 March 13:44

Sounds like a plan. Should we do my place again?  
 **John Watson** 3 March 13:48

I never liked quiet, myself. Or stories about aliens.  
 **Guy Fawkes** 4 March 00:52

You really enjoy being a buzz-kill, don't you?  
 **John Watson** 4 March 07:27


	7. 14th March 2013: Mystery Postcard

Posted by J H Watson  
14th March 2013

**Mystery Postcard**

Did one of you send me a post card? It's sort of strange and there's no name on it, just a very short message and a stamp and postmark from California.

 

**14 comments**

 

Wasn't me!! What's the message??  
 **Harry Watson** 14 March 19:44

I didn't send it, though I have been meaning to get in touch with you. Give me a call sometime, it's been a while!  
 **Mike Stamford** 14 March 20:01

Wasn't me either. Are we still on for Doctor Who this Saturday?  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 14 March 20:10

Sarah: Absolutely! I've got wine and tissues, you and Surinder bring the Chinese. I'll show you the postcard when you come over. I think you'll understand why I'm a little freaked out.  
 **John Watson** 14 March 20:18

I didn't send anything. Love to visit California though!! Why do you need tissues for Doctor Who?  
 **Bill Murray** 14 March 20:32

John, you should have contacted me immediately when the mysterious post arrived.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 14 March 20:34

I saw that postcard! Very odd. What does it mean?  
 **Mrs Hudson** 14 March 20:38

What does the postcard say?  
 **Molly Hooper** 14 March 20:41

I'm curious too. By the way, do you fancy a pint sometime next week?  
 **Greg Lestrade** 14 March 20:43

Bill: Our next episode is “Father's Day.” It's a real tear-jerker, even for a stoic manly-man like me. The two after are less sad but a lot more creepy, which is why we need the wine. That writer sure knows how to mess with your head.  
Mycroft: Piss off.  
Greg: I'll call you.  
 **John Watson** 14 March 20:51

Wasn't me either.  
 **Jacob Sowersby** 14 March 23:02

Language, John. And I see your new friend “Guy Fawkes” is mysteriously silent on the matter.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 15 March 10:15

Hi John, I'm loving the blog! Well, not this post so much. My sister Meera is visiting from Liverpool this weekend, is it all right if she tags along for Doctor Who tomorrow?  
 **Surinder Mohan** 15 March 11:35

That would be great. I was wondering why you weren't in today, I imagine you're showing her the sights beyond our spectacularly beige waiting room. I'm looking forward to meeting her.  
 **John Watson** 15 March 16:37


	8. Going out of town this weekend

Posted by J H Watson  
21st March 2013

**Going out of town this weekend**

I'm heading to Glasgow for a conference, leaving this afternoon. I expect I'll be pretty busy so don't worry if you email and I don't get back to you.

 

**5 comments**

I've been thinking of having that wall in your sitting room re-papered. Would it be all right if I had that done tomorrow, while you're away?  
 **Mrs Hudson** 21 March 09:30

Actually I'd prefer you left it. I know it's your house but I want to keep it the way it is.  
 **John Watson** 21 March 09:39

That's all right dear, I understand. I'll just do a good thorough cleaning of your kitchen and bathroom.  
 **Mrs Hudson** 21 March 09:44

You really don't have to do that. You're not my housekeeper and I can manage cleaning, I'm not that inept!  
 **John Watson** 21 March 09:47

It's really no bother! I like looking after you :-)  
 **Mrs Hudson** 21 March 09:55


	9. 29th March 2013: Another Postcard

****  
Posted by J H Watson  
29th March 2013

**Another Postcard**

Almost exactly the same as the first. This is getting creepy. I want to know who's behind it.

 

**15 comments**

Same message as before?  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 29 March 17:26

Almost the same. Five words instead of two. This time it's from Japan. I'll bring it along tomorrow when I come for Doctor Who.  
 **John Watson** 29 March 17:52

That's pretty freaky, actually. Considering tomorrow's episodes.  
 **Surinder Mohan** 29 March 17:59

_[comment deleted by J H Watson]  
_ **John Watson** 29 March 18:03

No, I'm not even going to entertain that possibility. It's a sure sign I'm losing my mind.  
 **John Watson** 29 March 18:05

I would tell you I sent it, but I don't think you would believe me.  
 **Guy Fawkes** 30 March 04:30

Oh, wouldn't I? I'm surprised you didn't chime in until now.  
 **John Watson** 30 March 09:30

Believe it or not, I've been without Internet access for the past two weeks.  
 **Guy Fawkes** 30 March 10:41

私は悪い狼だ。  
 **Guy Fawkes** 30 March 10:52

What in the world is that?  
 **John Watson** 30 March 11:00

_[comment deleted by J H Watson]  
_ **Guy Fawkes** 30 March 11:03

_[comment deleted by J H Watson]  
_ **John Watson** 30 March 11:12

Why can't I delete the earlier comments?? Stupid blog ...  
 **John Watson** 30 March 11:23

Right, that is definitely creepy.  
 **Sarah Sawyer** 30 March 13:34

I'm sending a car around. Don't make me force you.  
 **Mycroft Holmes** 30 March 14:22


	10. 31st March 2013: Untitled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS for Doctor Who S1 E12/13, "Bad Wolf" and "The Parting of the Ways".

Posted by J H Watson  
31 March 2013

**Untitled**

I think I must be going insane. The postcards look like they're in Sherlock's handwriting, and the latest came on Good Friday. Today is Easter. The day of Christ's resurrection. Sherlock was my saviour. He found me, broken and depressed, and he made me whole again. I never told him. Now I never can and I'm broken all over again, but it's worse because I know what it was to be complete.

I still wish every day that Sherlock could come back, that he isn't actually gone. But I know he is. I saw him fall, I saw his body, I buried him, for fuck's sake I've been mourning him for almost a year now. I thought I was doing better but I'm really not, I've just managed to find distractions. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night I expect to hear him playing the violin. Sometimes when I come home from work I expect to find him lying on the couch. Sometimes I stop myself going into the bedroom before I remember it's mine now. Sometimes I make two cups of coffee and put sugar in one.

I did that this morning, actually. I threw it into the sink so hard the mug shattered. It was either that or cry. There's coffee splatters all over the kitchen I can't bear to clean up. Not yet.

These postcards, though. I know I've been vague but I suppose I should say. Ella's always saying I need to get it out so here goes.

The first one, from California, it said “Bad Wolf.” That's a theme in the first series of Doctor Who, a phrase that shows up all over the universe, a sign to the Doctor. In the last episode we watched last night, they find out that Rose, the Doctor's companion, is the Bad Wolf. She looked into the time vortex and became all-powerful and sent that message out across time and space, to lead her back to the Doctor and save him. But then having the power inside is killing her, so the Doctor takes it back and it kills him, but of course he's a Time Lord so he regenerates, and Rose lives and the Doctor lives, though he's been changed.

I was pretty shaken last night, when we were done watching the DVDs. I couldn't stop thinking about the postcards. Sarah offered to let me stay over but I can't go down that road again. So I came home but I didn't sleep well. Which is why I'm posting this so early in the morning.

I just feel like it can't be a coincidence, all of this. I feel like I'm being beaten over the head with resurrection and it's just too much, because I want so badly for Sherlock to not be dead. I would do anything to bring him back but I know there's nothing. And then that commenter, Guy Fawkes. Anonymous. I get the eerie feeling like it's actually Sherlock. Probably someone pretending to be him. That comment he posted on Saturday, I ran it through a translator and it's Japanese for “I am the Bad Wolf”, which is what the second postcard, the one from Japan, said. Mycroft says that's impossible, but that someone is watching me, and trying to fuck with me. Well, of course he didn't put it quite that way.

Whoever you are, pretending to be Sherlock, trying to make me think he's not dead … please stop. I don't know how you're doing this but please, just stop. I really can't take it any more. It still hurts too much.

I'm going to go to his grave today. I think I need the reminder, that all of this Bad Wolf resurrection shit is just that. Please don't follow me, I want to be alone there. I'm going to turn my phone off so don't worry if I'm not answering calls or text messages. I'll reply when I get home and I promise I won't do anything stupid except cry publicly. But that's what cemeteries are for, aren't they?

**Comments disabled**


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